There is a proverb says something like:
Shared joy is double joy,
Shared sorrow is half sorrow.
Over the past few weeks, our choirs has been exploring how our ancestors felt about souls, death, and how they honoured transitions. Very early in our season now, we will be participating in a community event where many of our new singers will join us after only a month of practice to sing at Polka Dot Dragon Lantern Society’s event Remember the Dead. I have reinforced to the new singers that this is not a show, and it isn’t even about us. It’s simply about being there and sharing some songs in community.
“So, welcome to choir, we’re going to begin by talking about death and the soul.”
I guided a visualization this week that led us to explore our ancestral inheritances. They could be tools, artifacts, skills, traditions, or qualities and values. I fell in love with the shares of the ancestral inheritances people perceived, and was absolutely tenderized by those who are still looking to discover what theirs are.
One thing I have learned as a Doukhobor is that our people know how to grieve. I have been exploring my Doukhobor ancestry alongside all of the women in our choir who have been exploring their lineages, and they join me in the recognition of all of the ancestral lines that had meaningful, community rich traditions around grief. What I have noticed is that today, many funerals are quick, one hour sterile events: a prayer, a slide show and a few words from someone who may not have even known the deceased. Instead, we have acknowledgment that we are souls and will be ancestors one day. This directs us towards living a deliberate life.
In a choir practice we workshopped: “how can we help our community ritualize and express grief?” What we came up with was a word offered by singer Maasa Craig: Fortify. We plan to fortify this evening with LOVE.
In an interview yesterday for a film about the event, Honduran-born local filmmaker Carlos and I shared the details of how our ancestors grieve loss, and we were united in how similar our practices and traditions are, even though our backgrounds are very different. In sharing I couldn’t help but tear up at how the conversation brought us so CLOSE in a tender moment of mutual remembrance.
He asked what the event meant personally to me, and I don’t recall what I answered in jitters of being on camera. I did reflect on that question afterward. It brought me to the question I asked the choir about ancestral inheritance. The answer is inspired by the vision that The Polka Dot Dragon Lantern Society had for this evening. I think my ancestral inheritance is a value in community, song and the traditions that multiply our collective joy and share our collective grief. This world seems to be having a bumpy ride right now, and the more we share our humanity, the more we share music, and culture, we come to realize the point is NOT the destination but the journey of travelling together in all weather. We take that journey deliberately. We don’t squander our lives.
In the past week, we have lost two choir parents, a Mother, Evelyn Fawcet and a Father John Zinszer, and Courtney’s Father is in Palliative Care. This experience has wrapped them in song and love, and though it hasn’t been easy to move through preparations for tonight at times, it has been worth it. We’ll sing for Evelyn and John, and their children Natalie and Jill.
My personal belief is that the soul goes back to Love. I know that those of us left here with bodies still feel grief, sadness and loss. This year, my kids lost their father. I’ll sing for THEM. Though they won’t be there to hear it, it feels like it’s helping.
So, won’t you join us in Remembering the Dead from 4-6pm this evening at the Nelson Cemetery. Dress for the weather. There will be hot cider, music, art and installations. It’s going to be beautiful and moving and maybe even a little joyful.
These are my thoughts, no AI, pardon the spelling.
